Month: March 2018

Graveyard Shift

IMG_1546This past week, I’ve been plagued by insomnia. I get to sleep well, but sometime in the night, around two or three in the morning, I’m wide awake. And it’s eyes open, wide awake. Relaxation techniques – empty my mind – oh, crap, why am I thinking of that? – now, I’m thinking of that, too…..

My family stops at cemeteries. When our kids were small, and we were on a long road trip, we’d pull off the highway and try to find a park to get off our butts, have a snack or a meal – just get away from the noise of the road. When we didn’t find a park, we’d go to a cemetery. They make nice parks. They are quiet, never crowded, and they usually have trash cans.

This past year, in which I’m traveling in the wilderness of depression, I’ve been learning a lot about myself. Things about myself that I have struggled to change are now seen as features, not problems.

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I learned why I respond in the ways that I do, what I need to do to stay healthy, and that I’m not broken.

I tend to focus inwardly on ideas, experiences and memories. And yet, I have a strong desire to connect with people on deeper level, to be helpful and kind. But people exhaust my energy. This is why I need to have alone time when I can recharge. Sometimes, alone time is working on projects by myself, or it’s being out in nature – observing waves or small animals. Best of all, alone time is when I’m uninterrupted, and it’s quiet.

It’s not about you, it’s about me, and there’s nothing wrong knowing how one functions best and doing that.

Graveyards have a lot of things going for them. If there are people, they tend to keep to themselves and they’re quiet. Graveyards are often lovely park settings, and they are unlikely to be developed into strip malls and apartments. And if being out in nature ever gets boring, there’s something to read.IMG_1556

Potholes

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Potholes

Do you have potholes? It’s been a rough (pun intended) winter for potholes in Michigan where I live. If you’re lucky to live without potholes, then count yourself as blessed.

Potholes. Sometimes you can swerve around them, but oftentimes there are just so many that you’re just trying to avoid the worst of them.

It makes a difference what you’re driving, too. In a big truck, you roll right over them. In a small car, you wonder if you might having broken something. On a bike, you worry about pinch flats, busted spokes, or a bent rim, or worst of all, being pitched over the handlebars.

As a metaphor, I think I’m riding a bike. The potholes are the same, but when I hit them, it’s just that more dangerous.

Potholes on the road of life. Drive safely.

Tender green shoots of defiance

My church has been doing a ‘difficult topics’ sermon series during Lent: mental health, depression, divorce, addiction and sexual assault, . It’s this time in the church year, this time in the calendar year, where the earth looks like it’ll never recover from winter, where each of us feel like we might never recover from winter, that we can go into the dark spaces. And a little bit at a time, we see that winter’s hold isn’t forever, the sun is brighter, the days longer, and the bulbs begin to push up tender green shoots of defiance. There is hope coming, if we can hold on, and there’s still hope even when we can’t.

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