This past week, I’ve been plagued by insomnia. I get to sleep well, but sometime in the night, around two or three in the morning, I’m wide awake. And it’s eyes open, wide awake. Relaxation techniques – empty my mind – oh, crap, why am I thinking of that? – now, I’m thinking of that, too…..
My family stops at cemeteries. When our kids were small, and we were on a long road trip, we’d pull off the highway and try to find a park to get off our butts, have a snack or a meal – just get away from the noise of the road. When we didn’t find a park, we’d go to a cemetery. They make nice parks. They are quiet, never crowded, and they usually have trash cans.
This past year, in which I’m traveling in the wilderness of depression, I’ve been learning a lot about myself. Things about myself that I have struggled to change are now seen as features, not problems.
I learned why I respond in the ways that I do, what I need to do to stay healthy, and that I’m not broken.
I tend to focus inwardly on ideas, experiences and memories. And yet, I have a strong desire to connect with people on deeper level, to be helpful and kind. But people exhaust my energy. This is why I need to have alone time when I can recharge. Sometimes, alone time is working on projects by myself, or it’s being out in nature – observing waves or small animals. Best of all, alone time is when I’m uninterrupted, and it’s quiet.
It’s not about you, it’s about me, and there’s nothing wrong knowing how one functions best and doing that.
Graveyards have a lot of things going for them. If there are people, they tend to keep to themselves and they’re quiet. Graveyards are often lovely park settings, and they are unlikely to be developed into strip malls and apartments. And if being out in nature ever gets boring, there’s something to read.
Feather in the Wilderness 